Berlin, Germany — A group of neo-Nazi organizations have banded together to bring a suit against the International Olympic Committee claiming they are owed royalties for the use of Nazi pageantry in all Olympic games since 1936. Organizations named in the suit include the National Democratic Party and Nationalist Front of Germany, as well as various other groups from multiple countries.
“The entire opening ceremony is a carbon copy of what the Fuhrer conceived of for the 1936 games – it’s theft, really. No one mentions this today,” says Holger Apfel, leader of The National Democratic Party of Germany. “Whether you agree with our politics or not, this is theft of creative and intellectual property, and we demand payment in kind.”
Jasmin Apfel, wife of Holger and the leader of Ring Nationaler Frauen agreed with her husband.
“People who disagree with our politics see us as less-then-human, but we are as human as everyone else. Even more so, actually. We are superhuman. Which is why 1936 was so groundbreaking. The world had never conceived of such pageantry for the Olympics because, by and large, non-Aryan human beings are idiots.”
In a move that many people in the United States found surprising, the ACLU has also joined the suit, asking that the neo-Nazi groups be compensated for imagery that appears to be directly related to the 1936 opening ceremony.
“We cannot only defend the rights of people we agree with 100% – we are here to defend against all oppression, wherever it may arise,” stated Tony Rothert. “We were shocked when we saw they presented us with the video evidence – before 1936, there really is nothing on the level of what was displayed to open the ’36 Games. Since then, sure the quality of the video is better, but if you put a man with a funny mustache in front of those crowds and played it back in black and white, you’re right back in Berlin. Beijing, Atlanta, Rio – they all look the same. Led Zeppelin actually look like creative geniuses, when compared to copying we see happening at the Olympic Games opening ceremonies since 1936.”
Not everyone agrees with the ACLU. Max Fisher of The Atlantic wrote in 2015: “Today’s lighting ceremony has nothing to do with Nazis or with Hitler’s ethnic nationalism, of course, and though the runners may follow a slightly similar route to London this summer as they did to Berlin in the summer of 1936, it seems safe to say that the world has repurposed the Olympic torch relay from its dark origins to a brighter message of friendly international cooperation.”
Even some within the ACLU’s headquarters are not in agreement with the organization they are serving.
“I don’t really see why we have to be part of this. Of course, this has nothing to do with Nazis. The Olympics are to bring countries together – brotherhood in the best sense of the word,” said one ACLU employee who preferred to remain unnamed. “Sure, it kind-of looks the same, and it’s still a little scary to see tens or hundreds of thousands of people worked up into a nationalistic rage when their team doesn’t do as well as the competition. But, as an example, technically, you can’t run for office in eight states if you don’t believe in a higher power. Seriously, look it up. These states still have laws on the books that say this. But, no one pays attention to it because it’s totally outdated. Just like the Nazi ties to the pageantry of the opening ceremony. And, if anything, WWII proved that the United States was now in charge, so we get to make the rules.”