London, England — After a poll was released today showing that British citizens would back a ban on burqas by a two to one margin, a new poll shows that the world would prefer British citizens be forced to wear burqas by the same margin. As much as British citizens expressed dissatisfaction at the full body cover, the world appear to prefer that English men and women remain covered.
“Have you ever seen these people?” asked one French national. “It’s dangerous to stare into the sun, but almost as dangerous to stare at an English person in a swimsuit. Seriously, it’s almost as blinding.”
“I hate saying it, but I have no idea why the chests on British men seem to be concave,” said one Spanish woman who was in London on business. “They seem to go from having no chest to having tits, with no real in-between. Of course, not all of them are like that, but there is enough that I avoid dating them. Once the shirt comes off, you really don’t know what you’re going to get. The first time it happened to me, I asked if I should call an ambulance. That didn’t go over well.”
British people were unfazed by the new poll, and seemed to be more emboldened by the backlash.
“We don’t really care what those people think, honestly. We still run the world, just like we did in the fifteenth century,” said one elderly British man outside Picadilly Circus. “They have all this mumbo jumbo they speak, then they hide bombs under those things. It’s like the Irish all over again.”
A young British woman we met in Paris didn’t really see what all the fuss was about.
“France is nice, but we can see what the Muslimists have done to it. I wouldn’t go to a nightclub here. I just come to shop and buy baguette, but I am back on the train home before dark. You do not want to be in France after dark. Luckily, we’re smarter than the French.”
An American family we spoke with in London was unaware of either poll.
“We don’t really pay attention to that stuff,” said the father, who explained that they were visiting from Nevada. “I understand that it’s dangerous when people wear that stuff, but every country has to deal with security in their own way. Hopefully, they can work it out, ‘cuz if they can’t we’ll come over and start kicking some asses. You lily white faggots would be speaking German if we hadn’t have come over and saved you back in whatever war that was.”
An Iraqi man outside Paris just didn’t understand why people couldn’t find ways to get along.
“It is crazy. I left a country run by a mad person, and then taken over by even more crazy people,” he said. “I come here and start a business, and I get along with everyone – Jew, Christian, Atheist. I don’t care. I just want to have my business and live my life, and why can’t others do the same? We are all brothers and sisters, you know. But, of course, if they want to push their beliefs onto us, and try to control us… well, Allah knows how to deal with such threats.”